Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
