You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
