Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
