Are we in a gay sports bar?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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