dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
