I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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