dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
