Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
