But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
