I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
