I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just want to make out with him forever
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
