i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
