im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
