I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
