Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
