I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
