you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
