I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
