Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
