There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
