well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
