Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
