A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
you made out with another girl for some wings
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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