I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
vagina is talking i cant
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
