I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
