we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
