If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
