So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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