I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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