what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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