I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
