And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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