Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
