she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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