Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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