It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
