I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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