i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
