Your mouth is God's brothel.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
