dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
