I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
