hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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