so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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