Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
