apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
