He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
