are you still at the devil's house?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
