he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
