Will you blow on my dice?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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