The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
